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mamuzzyI really adore how this book handles the taboo topic of grief.
People always imagine that when a close person dies, then grief is full of tears and disneyesque throwing yourself into the bed crying 24/7. But just like everything in life, the procession of grief is different for every person.
I lost someone close recently. So reading again this chapter with Darman feels so close to me again.
Darman lost everything. EVERYTHING. And while waiting for his podmates, he is still in denial. Survivor's guilt is eating him alive.
But let’s be honest, Darman silently threatening that loadmaster with his knife was hella sexy.
People always imagine that when a close person dies, then grief is full of tears and disneyesque throwing yourself into the bed crying 24/7. But just like everything in life, the procession of grief is different for every person.
I lost someone close recently. So reading again this chapter with Darman feels so close to me again.
Aside from the few glimpses the shows allow us to see, and unless it’s somehow tied to the plot, TCW don’t bother to show us the emotional part of the Clones. Single teardrops at most. But we barely see them grieving, mourning their fallen brothers. TBB brought even further the emotional constipation where every potential conflict and in-fighting, expressing of inconvenient-to-others feelings, like sadness and anger were dealt with off-screen.
Most of the media try to choke you with the message that only a bad guy can make you cry, you will only have disagreements with bad guys, and healthy relationship is where you don’t encounter with the feeling of pain, feeling of disappointment toward people you love. While in truth, you mostly feel pain and you feel disappointment, because you love someone.
So seeing Darman actually in pain really heals something in me. It heals me, because it didn’t depicted beautifully, or dignified or socially acceptable. It’s just it is. Raw. He is professional, damn confident during mission. Outside of it? Silent, but truly emotional. And not the beautiful kind. He doesn’t deal with the loss well, not just because of the obvious loss of his pod-brothers (I love how the game compare the commando squads as aiwha pods in the intro). He lost everything he had. Safety and security of the presence of the very people who were there since decanting and now he is suddenly out here in the world, completely alone.
• ───────────────── •
Think of yourselves as a hand. Each of you is a finger, and without the others you’re useless. Alone, a finger can’t grasp, or control, or form a fist. You are nothing on your own, and everything together. - Kal Skirata, Chapter 5
• ───────────────── •
There is this quote from the later chapters I thought it’s fitting. It doesn’t mean that a Clone Commando as a person and living being worths nothing. It means that these squads are trained to be extensions of each other. They trained together, they sleep together, they share meals together, they study together, and go into the battle together, and most importantly, they are very much encouraged to take care of each other and survive together.
Darman lost everything. EVERYTHING. And while waiting for his podmates, he is still in denial. Survivor's guilt is eating him alive.
But let’s be honest, Darman silently threatening that loadmaster with his knife was hella sexy.
