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|| Republic Commando: Hard Contact || 2004 || Book series || Military, Sci-Fi || 18+ for violence and harrowing themes ||
“You astound me.” He couldn’t tell if that was good or bad. “Two things, though. Please don’t call me Padawan or Commander—I don’t want to be recognized as a Jedi. And I’d rather be called Etain than ma’am.” She paused, no doubt thinking of some other failure on his part. “And please take your helmet off. It’s rather disturbing.”
So far Darman had met three Jedi and they all seemed to find him distracting in some way, with or without his helmet. All his life he had been taught that he and his brothers were created for the Jedi, to help them fight their enemies; he’d expected some recognition of that bond, or at least an expression of satisfaction.
no doubt thinking of some other failure on his part.
he’d expected some recognition of that bond, or at least an expression of satisfaction.
Here again a scene where Darman had great expectations and he ends up with dissatisfaction by the fact that the other party is dissatisfied by him. The world is not what he imagined. People are not what he imagined. I'm still not letting go my Darman is having BPD agenda either.
But also there is this paragrapgh about how Darman is perceiving Etain and I think it's fascinating.
This is the first time Darman is this close to a woman.
We already know how Darman is really perceptive about things, but now we see how he perceives the details of Etain. Imagine how he lacked of stimuli with the faces he shared with millions of brothers and then he is so close with someone who is so... DIFFERENT in many many aspect.
*snort* I don't think Darman has any concept of beauty either.
It reminds me of a horror manga called Litchi Hikari Club where kids built a robot and fed it its algorythm with different things that considered OBJECTIVELY BEAUTIFUL by society, so when the robot steals a girl for them, they can trust, she is truly beautiful. But it turned out one kid messed with the programming and he gave parameters of his own taste, because beauty cannot be measured objectively not even by algorythm.
Darman feels like this robot. He absolutely has no idea what is the society's standards of beauty so he can't decide if Etain is pretty or not. He has to gain experience of the world to decide it.
But I think even if Darman doesn't know the answer himself, we know. I think Darman finds Etain pretty, he just doesn't know it.
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ADDENDUM
Her face was a study in blank surprise. It was also fascinating in a way he couldn’t define. He had never seen a human female this close, this real.
This is the first time Darman is this close to a woman.
He was astonished by the dappling of small brown dots across the bridge of her nose and her cheeks, and the different strands of colors in her long, unkempt hair—light browns, golds, even reds.
We already know how Darman is really perceptive about things, but now we see how he perceives the details of Etain. Imagine how he lacked of stimuli with the faces he shared with millions of brothers and then he is so close with someone who is so... DIFFERENT in many many aspect.
And she was as thin as the locals. He could see blue veins in the backs of her hands, and she smelled different from anyone he’d ever shared space with. He wasn’t sure if she was pretty or downright ugly.
*snort* I don't think Darman has any concept of beauty either.
It reminds me of a horror manga called Litchi Hikari Club where kids built a robot and fed it its algorythm with different things that considered OBJECTIVELY BEAUTIFUL by society, so when the robot steals a girl for them, they can trust, she is truly beautiful. But it turned out one kid messed with the programming and he gave parameters of his own taste, because beauty cannot be measured objectively not even by algorythm.
Darman feels like this robot. He absolutely has no idea what is the society's standards of beauty so he can't decide if Etain is pretty or not. He has to gain experience of the world to decide it.
He just knew she was utterly alien and utterly fascinating, as alien as a gdan or a Gurlanin. It was almost stopping him from concentrating on the job.
But I think even if Darman doesn't know the answer himself, we know. I think Darman finds Etain pretty, he just doesn't know it.
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ADDENDUM
He tried not to watch while Etain wrung water from her robe and shook out her boots. She made him feel uncomfortable but he didn’t know why, apart from the fact that she wasn’t quite the Jedi commander he had been so thoroughly trained to expect.
Again, the expectations.
I'm starting to see that in Kamino, the female grey eyed caste of technicians spend the most of time with the clones. Clones had contact with women. Niner and Darman both terrified of the Kaminoans, but Darman connects it with gender. Kaminoans maybe polite, calm mannered, but their presence were more terrifying.
But also this makes you wonder that just because you spend more time with people different than you, it doesn't make you automatically a progressive or openminded person. Darman (and clones in general) didn't have contact with other humans who are their equals, meaning not their training sergeants, their ruler of life and death.
The only females he could recall were Kaminoan medical technicians whose quietly impersonal tones intimidated him more than a yelling drill sergeant. And his platoon had once experienced an unpleasantly memorable lecture in encryption techniques from a female Sullustan.
I'm starting to see that in Kamino, the female grey eyed caste of technicians spend the most of time with the clones. Clones had contact with women. Niner and Darman both terrified of the Kaminoans, but Darman connects it with gender. Kaminoans maybe polite, calm mannered, but their presence were more terrifying.
But also this makes you wonder that just because you spend more time with people different than you, it doesn't make you automatically a progressive or openminded person. Darman (and clones in general) didn't have contact with other humans who are their equals, meaning not their training sergeants, their ruler of life and death.
He feared females. Now he feared his Jedi officer and was also agitated by her in a way that he didn’t even have a word for. It didn’t feel acceptable.
ANOTHER ADDENDUM
Darman is so trusting that Etain is a GOD COMMANDER like his studies painted the Jedi to be.“You’ve seen me fight.”“You’re a Jedi. A commander.”“That’s a title, not an assessment of my ability. I’m not exactly the best of the best.”“You must be. I know what Jedi can do. Nobody can defeat you as long as you have the Force.”
