mamuzzy | [TARGETS] Almost killed Skirata

|| Republic Commando: Targets || 2005 || Short story || Military, Sci-fi || 18+ for violence and harrowing themes ||

Fi’s lamp swept the wall to his left and he saw a light tan shape and Skirata half across it, transfixed by the beam, yelling, “No, Fi! No!” Fi felt his finger compress the trigger without any intervention from his conscious mind, and time slowed down a hundredfold.

“Fi, no!” Skirata had flung himself across the tan-coated figure. “Hostage, Fi! Hold fire!”

Fi’s finger eased back. The silence was sudden and total again, punctuated only by the patter of ceiling panels still falling in chunks on the tiled floor.

I nearly killed him. I nearly killed Skirata.

I had to reread this part a couple of times, what exactly happened here. Fi was ready to kill the guy he identified as Tan Man. And while Kal's words reached him, he didn't take off his finger from the trigger. UNTIL Kal actually stepped into picture to protect the hostage with his own body. That moment Fi stopped himself.

Now that all the targets were down, Fi could think only of Skirata’s horrified expression in his spot-lamp beam. He fought down an impulse to tell him he was sorry.
(...)
If Skirata hadn’t identified the man as a hostage, Fi would have killed both of them with a single round.
Sergeant Kal’s nearly a father to this squad. How could I?

He took off his helmet and wiped his palm across his forehead, still unable to shake Skirata’s image from his mind.

“You really would have slotted me, wouldn’t you?” said the old sergeant hoarsely.

“Sarge, I’m sorry, I—”

“No, you’re a good lad.” He still seemed able to read Fi’s every thought, just as he had in training. “You only did what I taught you to do. What did I say?”

Fi swallowed. “Priority is to drop the bad guys, Sarge.”

“Good. I’m proud of you. Sentimentality gets you killed.”

The reason I had to reread the previous part because I wasn't sure why Kal asking if Fi was going to shoot him. I think Kal's presence was the reason Fi stopped himself. He would have shoot the civilian-mistaken-for-a-terrorist without hesitation, but he wouldn't have shot his own ~~dad~~ sergeant. But Kal jumped in the crosshair. And maybe Kal misunderstands this why Fi asking him forgiveness.

Kal is truly behaves like this fucked up mix of dad/sergeant here, and yet Fi is feeling like a little boy who did something wrong.